Image from https://wtop.com

In this article, you will be shown if your relationship is toxic and how to deal with it.”

How to Identify and Deal With a Toxic Partner in a Relationship

Ever wondered why people endure toxic relationships even after finding out that their partners are toxic? Well, there isn’t exactly a reason we can point to as different people do so for different reasons. However, we can tie the various factors to one word—hope. Yes, hope is primarily one reason many people stay in toxic relationships and even jobs. Let me tell you a story.

    Rick is a young man who just landed himself a job as a software developer in a Fintech company after a couple of years of being broke and praying for a miracle. Rick’s new job seems to be a taxing one as he barely finds time to do other things. But then, the job pays just enough for the stress and he’s not willing to quit the job. He believes that he’ll get better on the job and learn to navigate things to allow for a little more time for other things.

      A month into the job, Nick’s girlfriend comes to spend the holiday at his. Just a day after arriving, she begins to nag at Rick just about everything, even though he had warned her against coming, stating that he needed just a little more time to get the much needed stability. She begins to throw curses around accusing Nick of not being caring. Once, Nick confronts her and she angrily breaks his television. The fight grows hotter by the day. She accuses him of virtually everything, from cheating to being emotionally absent. Once or twice, they go on dinner dates but still, she isn’t satisfied. She says she’s holidaying and deserves an everyday treatment of someone holidaying.
Nick somewhat wants all of these to end but he doesn’t want to end it. They have come too far to break up. What would he do with the pictures they have together? How would he explain to everyone that he is single again? How would he start all over in his search for love? He wants it to end but he doesn’t want them to be apart. So, he occasionally says a prayer hoping that things will get better. Rather, they get decidedly worse.

    Soon, his relationship begins to affect his productivity at work. It does not take long for the HR Manager of the company to notice this. The output is relatively too low for his salary. Since companies do not thrive on emotions but profit, they have to let him go. He is laid off. He has to start all over. When he announces this to his girlfriend, she calls him a loser who can neither keep a woman nor a job. She ends the call and texts Nick his most dreaded words: THIS RELATIONSHIP IS OVER.

    Now, Nick is jobless and his relationship has hit an iceberg, a double catastrophe. What he always avoided eventually came on him. If he had known better, he would never have endured a toxic relationship. The effects on one on a person is far too hard to manage.

    In this article, I will show you how one can identify a toxic partner and also deal with one. But first, permit me to start by highlighting how one can identify a toxic partner.

IDENTIFYING ONE

1. A TOXIC PARTNER IS HIGHLY MANIPULATIVE AND CONTROL

Gettyimages.com

A toxic partner will manipute, control your actions and reactions. If you have a partner who makes you doubt your intelligence every time, know that he/she is toxic. Here is how it works. You are in a relationship with a person but somehow, they are always the victim. You are always apologizing for your misdeeds and theirs, know that you are being manipulated. They work on your sensibility to point that you begin to doubt if you even have a grain of good in you. For example, if your partner never apologizes and always makes it a duty to defend every wrong, that is pure toxicity. You should run.

2. A TOXIC PARTNER USES YOUR SOFT SPOT AGAINST YOU
Every human has a soft spot. While it is not something that one should flaunt to avoid being used, one cannot really hide such from one’s partner. Love makes you weak to your object of love, so, you almost cannot hide it from whom you love. Showing isn’t completely wrong but watch out for the aftermath. For example, if you partner always uses your soft spot against you, they are toxic. Run now that you can.

3. A TOXIC PARTNER IS SELFISH
With love comes generosity. If you have a partner from whom you do not get random acts of kindness, they are toxic. Sometimes, they are always quick to take but you cannot trace one significant thing you have received to them. Sometimes, it isn’t always about gifts. It’s the meal, their Netflix logins, their property and all. Boundaries should exist, yes. But if they only consider themselves and never let you get anything from them, then you are enduring a toxic relationship. While romance is good, a partner who isn’t selfish should know when to compromise on this for the sake of their partner’s career. Also, a person who isn’t selfish will also not be so concerned about growing a career to the point of being emotionally absent. Two can coexist.

4. A TOXIC PARTNER IS AGGRESSIVE

If you are in a relationship and the person keeps hitting you or breaking things, then, always remember that it is toxic. With aggression, for most toxic people, comes manipulative skills. They know how to let their emotions hit the boiling point and afterwards, use your soft spots against you while feigning an apology. 99.9% of the time, they will do it again. And again. And again.

5. A TOXIC PARTNER IS NARCISSISTIC
Narcissism may be seen as excessive love for oneself. A lot of partners are narcissistic. They feel that their partners are not worthy of them and they are doing their partners a favour by being in the relationship. If you ever find yourself with a narcissistic partner, you’ll spend all of your life trying to make them happy and sadly, you’d never be happy. You will do anything to please them because you feel they make you complete. It is quite unfortunate that one cannot easily spot a narcissistic person in a relationship because of course, love is blind. But let me help, if you partner is too obsessed about their looks, shape, intelligence, wealth or anything to the point of making others feel bad, they are narcissistic. You can never win with them.

6. A TOXIC PARTNER IS SECRETIVE
I once told my partner then that if she wasn’t willing to share, then we shouldn’t even be dating. Love comes with compromise. Although some things are better left unsaid, you should apply that clause to everything. When you begin to hide everything, then, you are experimenting toxicity. See, there is a lot that can happen when you partner is being overly protective of information. If these things later come to light, you may become ruined.
In all honesty, this list is endless but you will most likely find four out of these six traits in a toxic partner. Be very watchful. The 21st Century love isn’t blind anymore. If you shut your eyes, the world will help you add a blindfold and trust me, you’ll be in for a long ride that won’t end well. NOW that we have identified these traits, let us see some ways you can deal with a toxic partner.

HOW TO DEAL WITH A TOXIC PARTNER

1. CALL IT BY ITS NAME; CONFRONT THEM WITH THE TRUTH
Confront, here, isn’t suggestive of aggression but if you notice that your partner is manipulative and toxic, tell them. Make them know that you’re aware. Trust me, this will throw them off balance.

2. LOVE YOURSELF AND QUIT HOPE
In almost every occasion, a toxic partner will not change. They will always find a way to get into you. Most of the time, you tie so much worth to your partner that you begin to feel that they love you more than you deserve. This isn’t true. You just don’t love yourself enough yet. Love yourself. Be easy on yourself and see yourself as a complete person who doesn’t need any partner is to feel loved and complete. Before them, you were. After them, you’ll still be. Time is all it takes. If you begin to love yourself more, it’d be easier to quit hope and eventually quit the relationship.

3. BE PROACTIVE BUT IF THEY ARE FASTER, USE THE DUMPER’S REMORSE THEORY
Mostly, all toxic people want is to keep using you until they are tired. Then, they’ll let you go, empty and dry. Don’t wait for that time. The moment you discover these traits, confront them and quit it all. A break up is easier on the one who initiated it, trust me. Be the dumper. But if they are faster, do not worry. Let them go. Don’t bother trying to make it work. Just say okay and keep it going. You’ll be hurt but then, you won’t give them a chance to manipulate you. Trust me, they will always come back but you won’t let them because you know better. This is the dumper’s remorse.

I believe this article has been of help. If you have further questions, do not forget to contact me at [email protected]

Thanks for reading.